#freespirit

#freespirit got me thinking. To declare oneself a “true free spirit” is a grandiose gesture. It’s to align with surface, tangible, and superficial things. In truth, the meaning and depth of being a free spirit holds with it so much more than most of us will know in this life, or in lives to come. A majority of souls will take longer for a plethora of reasons, but notably, because of a lack of forgiveness paired with appropriate boundaries and self security. A free spirit is the most rare form of existence you can find or achieve. “Who and what are free spirits?” you may ask. Certainly not I.

A free spirit is not a girl who wears anklets and long flowing hair, likes turquoise rings, and enjoys the Grateful Dead. A free spirit is not the boy chasing the perfect desolate barrel around the globe with low funds and his board bag.

A free spirit is the soul and essence of the universe untainted and fully open. It is the lessons and experiences of lifetimes. A true free spirit is the abandonment of fear and judgment—it is life in love and truth. It radiates nothing but purity, patience, and grace. A free spirit is awakening and enlightenment. It is the embodiment of real acceptance. It is the soul that has chosen or evolved into the path of least resistance by allowing the human experience to move through it, within it, and around it. While it has the understanding that a pre-chosen path exists, it has the power to choose what is projected on the screen and to change the script at any time. It knows life is its very own leading role performance, director, and producer in one. It moves through the reel by what its thoughts, intentions, and actions attract. Like a moth to a flame, whatever a free spirit projects inward and outward, positive or negative, is inevitable.

I live my life intending to find the space and power within my soul to reach this state of pure consciousness, away from the current collective, hoping to pave the way for what can be the collective, one fuck up at a time. In no way do I believe I am there. To consider myself a free spirit would be an insult to those who are, but a real life free spirit would never mind.  A true free spirit would never write, defend, or explain her stance. She knows, and she is, and that is enough. A true free spirit also knows the dedication and lack of criticism and aggression it takes to be able to adapt your mind and heart to accepting that each human has her place and purpose. A true spirit sees the light in every single experience, lifestyle, and circumstance, because it knows it is, and once was, you. It is constant effort until awareness is effortless. It is learning to have control over not ever needing to have it. It is not taking life too seriously. It is laughing at it all.

Most importantly it is here and now. Raw, real, unfinished. It is embracing the unknown with full acceptance of the present. It is trusting this moment even when it isn't perfect, and even though it may not be all rainbows and butterflies. You may very well feel heavy and dark, but honoring your pace and place is more noble a cause than forcing a smile where there isn't one. I will stress that does not mean not owning up to your mistakes and using the “healing” trend as a crutch to hide behind. It means allowing that mood, thought, or mistake to penetrate and then be shed to reveal your next layer.  Here is where you accept yourself for all that is true, self reflect, and evolve. The only person you can be better than is your former self. Now is when you stop putting cover-up, mascara, or band-aids on your ugly face and wounds. Let it in first, let it show, and then you can let it go. For this is when you allow the hairline crack to break and the light to come in. This is when the spirit floods in and dissipates. This is when you're free.

 

Wild Unknown

It's all a mystery. Day by day. You are born, again and again, on this Earth. Smoke and Mirrors, perhaps? It was lifetimes ago. It only feels like the beginning of it all. You wonder though, really, “How long have you been running?”

Naked. Bare to the bone. Hair cascades down your silhouette. Vastness stands before you. You proceed, one foot in front of the other, with the earth beneath your feet you reach the shoreline. You feel like you are hovering just above the surface. Maybe you are. The solid ground is always offering a place to dig your roots, enticing you with earthly comforts. You are grateful for the gesture, but it feels deceiving, like a trap. Suddenly you can’t breathe. You politely decline and continue on your way.  Home is where the heart is, and you’re still after yours. Your heart is quick, wild, untamed, and always one step ahead. The heart wants what the heart wants. You know you must follow its desires into the depths.

It is cold, dark. Then, miraculously you are flooded with light. You rush to the surface for air feeling like you’ll never catch your last sweet breath. It is always doing its best to hold you down. Suddenly you gasp. It is as if it never left you. You want to do it again, and again, and again. You emerge each time with less and more than you had before. The gift of release and receive.

Some how, some way, you always make it work.

As you watch your attachments disperse into tiny fragments flying away from you, you hesitate to reach out and pick up the pieces. You keep your hands at your side, and remember to stay in your heart not in your head, like a true warrior, wanderer, and vagabond. You have been given the go-ahead. Nothing holds you back, not one thing. You are only responsible for yourself, how rare a gift. One day, you want to do right, but not right now, and never in the way they tell you to. Go blaze the trail.

True North: Part Two

I sit on my rock one last time. The sea is flat, and winter is on its way. I imagine the sounds of the waves like a freight train hitting the outer reefs as I peacefully sleep through the night, and later waking up to the intoxicating smell of thick ocean mist and blossoming plumeria.

My fluttering hamakua comes to greet me with reassurances and a proper send off, reminding me that Hawaii, The North Shore, will always have my heart and will always be my home. It will be here waiting, forever, like a moth to a flame, if I see fit.

Today, I am a plethora of emotions. I am ready. I am happy. I am sad. I am excited, indifferent, and restless.

My sweet island, you have cradled me, rocked me, taught me to talk, to walk, and now it is time to run. I came to Hawaii to do what I was meant to do. Fall in love, and start my dream.  I have. I’ve fallen head over heels in love with Laurie. I have had the most amazing love affair with this island. I’ve taken in every moment, experience, smell, taste, gesture, and embrace. My heart is heavy with love and aloha.

Affairs must end. Now is the time to fly away. It is time to take everything I have been taught. I speak to the island, my spirits, protectors, and teachers. I offer my eternal gratitude. They reciprocate by brushing my brow with sweet Hawaiian air and a ripple of salty goodness across my sun-kissed face as I float in the vast and infinite sea. I respond in turn by taking it in as I have been for the last two and a half years...

The island is a powerful and sacred force. The island decides when you come and when you go. Some it sends off with well wishes and everlasting protection, while others it ruthlessly rejects. Others still, it tirelessly holds on to with the hope that their desperate attempts to heal and change come to fruition. Some do. Some don't. I am blessed to have had.

My life awaits its next adventure. Where will I land next? Will I land? Maybe I won't. I am okay with not having the answers. I am turned on by the wild unknown. The world is my oyster. Indo, Santa Fe, Australia, India, the Jersey Shore. What I do know is that the direction I am headed in is my true north. Hawaii is my compass. It is everything I have ever wanted, wished for, hoped, and dreamed. I am just getting my bearings, and getting ready to brace the fall. Once I get to where I am going, I ain't ever gonna stop. I want the world, and I intend on making it mine.

Wild and free,

Laurie

 

True North: Part One

I stood there at the show, The Head and the Heart─July 30, 2014, in the middle of the crowd. I wanted no part of anyone. No spoken words, only sounds and vibrations. Only lyrics. The feelings: mine and those of the music. With no resistance to what was flooding toward me and no time to process that it was the moment I had been waiting for....the universe spoke. My next move was revealed. The path unfolds...do I dare?

I knew I had missed things. What I hadn’t realized was my heart ached for things my brain had long forgotten. It was an electric shock that came on slow, and then it was a full stream to my consciousness. With eyes wide, heart pounding, and the perfect amount of anxiety building, I was suddenly a spark ready to blaze.

To some my life may appear chaotic and ever changing. Can you keep up? There are moments I need to stop and catch my breath. There are moments I am paralyzed by the amount of energy I am producing. When it comes down to it, I’d rather enjoy the mystery, the alchemy, and the witchcraft. Let it come. I live for change. I still experience the natural reactions to it: the obstinate fear and the unwavering hope. The difference is, I don't let the fear stop me.  I come to the edge, where most would stumble back, but instead I jump.  I am a woman of my word. Follow through.

This constant change is only the interplay of me and the universe. It is the moment when my insatiable desire becomes something tangible.

If I am comforted and fueled by any pattern in my life, it is this one. Change is the unmistakable feeling when all the locks click open. Change is the seed that penetrates the dirt and reveals a sprout. Change is the place where I am calm and centered in the midst of a massive transition. Without fear, without doubt, and without blame, I pack my bag and go....

When you know, you know. I am not meant to be in one place. I am meant to share this gift of Hawaii with the world. I asked God to be free. I grew up dreaming of what it would be like to be a certain kind of woman: a real adventurer, dreamer, and free spirit. As cliché as it sounds, in that time, in those dreams, and by living my life with the acceptance of growth and change, somewhere over the rainbow, I became just that. I became free. I am free.  I am following my true north...hitting the ground running.

It isn't goodbye…it is Aloha.

Wild and free,

Laurie

Howlin' Forever.

0 to 60 in 3.5// Driving down, back to the country, in my speedy, little bug, up and down the winding plantation road taking me home. TV on the Radio blares through my blown out speakers.  8pm. With headlights in the distance, I’m intoxicated by the dewy smell of pineapple and the buzz of my fiery dreams. I smile ear to ear, filled with adrenaline and a yang energy coursing through me. I'm on the verge of something bigger than myself. I am my own legend. It’s just me, the alchemist, on this journey through the desert to the pyramids.

Then I get home and look at my bank account. Try not to cry. I want to cry, but I can't. Try not to let fear penetrate any part of my being. Tell myself it is just an illusion. Breathe. Drink water. No. Wine. 

As I venture through the cycle and rhythm, from pure ecstasy to the devil trying to knock down my door, I focus. I focus hard. I don't pay no mind to the thoughts that don't serve me. I acknowledge their presence and politely tell them to take the fucking back door.

* * *

Breathe. Again. Full. Long. Light match. Light Nag Champa. Burn sage. Clear and shield energy. Sit in lotus. Summon your goddesses. Summon your masters. Close your eyes. See the stars. Feel the rush of lightness. Watch it all disappear. Enter a world of beauty and perfection. Trust. Honor. Believe. Remind yourself how much you love this life. Every single morsel of it. Sit with it. Feel it all. Envision yourself in abundance. Watch yourself. The alchemist. Frolic in your wildest dreams. It's real isn't it? 

As you gather the pieces of your spirit and invite them back into your body, you are back. You are electric. You remember.

Hear a mysterious and sweet whisper in your ear. You are a wise woman. You are a queen. You are a mistress of magic.

Once again, feel like you could explode. Explode from joy. Explode from love. Explode from knowing you are exactly where you need to be at this very moment. Balance.

You are a sponge: for ideas, for thoughts, for visions, for feelings. Your thoughts run wild between moments of clarity and chaos in a never ending cycle. What do you want to exude?

You are insatiable, with the body of a woman and the spirit of an elephant. You are the real Queen of the Desert. You sing your sweet siren song. You lure them in. You seduce. You eat them alive. You are love. You are fire. You are death. You are beauty. You are pain. You are everything.  You are so much more than enough. 

You shift your shape when it suits you. You howl at the moon.

You are a woman who run with wolves. You are a mother, sister, daughter, wife, and friend. Most importantly, you are YOU.  Your pack is here. Get lost forever in the Mists. There is nowhere you'd rather be.

Howlin' Forever,

Sirena